The future is optimistic

The Knights have been on and off a lot over the summer months. And lately, we’ve just been off. One would venture to guess by now that we would put an end to this ill-conceived, readerless, uninteresting Web log. Yet we continue. Neither fame nor fortune compel us to pen our opinions and epiphanies. Nay, only the need for instant blogging gratification.

There are some big changes around the corner. We are changing the format of our content, narrowing our scope to some degree. The idea is straightforward. Each week, one of the Knights will name and briefly discuss a Round Table Heretic (with which regulars will be familiar) and a new title, a Square Table Hero. We will likely name a day of the week to post, and try to keep that schedule from week to week.

In the process, we will be transitioning our old material to the archives. We will most likely keep old posts on the blog, but we will probably streamline our categories and revamp our sidebar.

So far, Matt and I are the only writers for the new format. We likely bring in Knights contributor Laz on occasion. Who knows, maybe even Knights heckler hossenphepher would be interested in making some contributions.

More on the Knights’ revival soon. Until then, I’m going to share an excerpt from an article I found at The New American on the healthcare system that explains my beef with Obamacles.

On the other side of the big pond, Europeans have been experimenting with varying degrees of socialized medicine for over a century. They have tried every idea to keep the socialist systems functioning, but they are failing. In fact, socialized medicine is failing everywhere. For instance, wait lists in non-European countries with socialized medical care, like Canada and New Zealand, have become so long that many patients die waiting for necessary care.

A 2004 article in the New Zealand Herald tells the story of one gastroenterologist with 458 patients on his waiting list, 180 of whom were still waiting on a definite time for treatment. According to the story, “The hospital was trying to deal with the most urgent cases first. Less urgent cases were being pushed further down the list.” Deciding on patient priority was difficult, leaving the doctor in quite a bind. “In an ideal world I would see the patients and then decide what to do,” he said.

Canada is facing similar problems. A short documentary film by Free Market Cure illustrates the consequences of government medicine. The film’s segment entitled “Two Women” documents the medical stories of two patients - one woman needed an urgent surgery to save her bladder, and another patient “needed” a sex-change operation. The woman needing the bladder surgery was told she would have to wait more than three years for her operation. Also, she was told that, as a Canadian citizen, she would not be allowed to pay for the surgery out of her own pocket in order to move up the date of the surgery. During her interminable wait, she finally had to have her bladder removed to save her life. The other patient was well-received by the Ontario health minister who promised to cover the surgery before taking office. “I believe God wanted me to be a woman but the angel got the directions wrong,” the “trans-sexual” person explained.

We finally saw The Joker…

That is, “The Dark Knight.” We saw it a few weeks ago, and we have to say, it met all of our expectations. As longtime fans of Tim Burton’s 1989 version of Batman, we never would have believed a year ago that someone could compete with Jack Nicholson in the role of the Joker. Heath Ledger kicked butt and took names and was by far the dominating actor in this one.

We identify with David Letterman when he said concerning the Joker, “When he comes back on the screen, you think, O, thank God, he’s back.”

However, this leaves the Watson duo torn over which Joker is better. We don’t want to feel like traitors. Therefore, an unbiased contest is in order:

The Laugh/Voice

Jack Nicholson: This guy’s laugh was truly spine-tingling and freakily shrilly. For us, he really invented the memorable Joker laugh. Furthermore, his smile was so big it was almost superhuman and left us ’90s kids wondering how he did it. Nicholson’s voice is also truly psychotic (in any movie) and seems to be created by God specifically for the role of the Joker.

Heath Ledger: He didn’t really laugh or smile all that much in this one, but when he did, especially toward the end, it was reminiscent of Nicholson’s laugh, which we certainly don’t mind. Ledger’s real strength is his overall voice. His accent and tone is original but also does justice to the classic character. It had a sadistic sing-song quality that came out in full force right before slitting his victims with a pocket knife.

WINNER: Sorry, it’s a tie.

Sadistic-ness

Jack Nicholson: “Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moon light?” is what first comes to mind in this category, as we picture Nicholson waving his little gun in the air and dancing right before shooting his victims. Nicholson is pretty darn sadistic (in any movie) from sharp eyebrows to his fake teeth to his deep voice saying, “Wait till they get a load of me.”

Heath Ledger: As sadistic as Nicholson’s Joker was, we really just invented this category for Ledger. No other Joker is as psychotic and murderously carefree as this one. The way he moves his lips and slithers his tongue while savoring his victims’ slow death is just plain creepy.

WINNER: Heath Ledger

Makeup

Jack Nicholson: Nicholson’s classic vampire-looking Joker face is a work of art. Again, the red-lipped smile is very impressive. His slicked green hair is also a memorable quality.

Heath Ledger: Ledger’s makeup is also impressive with its hideous wrinkles, scarred mouth and carelessly smeared face paint that says a lot about his character. His wild, curly, greasy hair also adds a nice touch.

WINNER: Sorry, another tie, almost impossible to compare.

Coolness

Jack Nicholson: An elegantly artistic rendition, Nicholson’s Joker has a cool and collective feeling. He plans and schemes, and his jokes (the witty one-liners, the fatal joy buzzer, the lethal gas balloons, etc.) are funnier than Ledger’s.

Heath Ledger: This Joker’s not very cool. He’s just crazy. Like Christian Bale’s Batman, Ledger’s Joker is pumped on steroids.

WINNER: Jack Nicholson

So there you have it. We’re copping out and calling it a tie. Both actors were exceptional to us, but we do want to say that when it comes to Bruce Wayne/Batman, Michael Keaton easily goes undefeated.

I’ve been stair hating

There is about two reasons why this blog hasn’t been updated much in the past few weeks. One is because it’s summer. We’re just not into the stuff we normally write about in the summer. We go on a 3-month exile from news (the best one can do that I suppose).

The other reason is because I’ve been putting my energy into an experiment that is getting out of control. I somewhat secretly started a blog call “I hate stairs.” I’ve been posting frequently there. If you want to take a look, check out ihatestairs.org.

It may not be your cup of tea, but in my humble opinion, it is home to some of my most interesting thoughts and opinions. I’ve been getting comments too. A good number of them. It feels good.

Then I got on Alltop. As in my feed appears on Alltop.com under Disability. So now I have to keep it going. :-)

You can’t eat your cake and have it too.

Our society’s value of preference satisfaction is so ingrained in our heads that it is only a matter of time before America spirals into abject moral depravity. I firmly believe God will destroy us if we continue down this path. I used not to be like this, but I am now. I’ve always wondered why I’ve never felt very patriotic. Now I know why. And folks are mad because Michelle Obama said that for the first time in her life, she can be really proud of our country. I don’t see the big deal there. I AM NOT PROUD OF MY COUNTRY EVEN RIGHT NOW AS I SPEAK!

What has brought these deep feelings of mine to a boil is a recent news piece about a woman who decided to become a guy and marry a girl but then decided she wanted to be pregnant through sperm insemination. So she did, and now she has given birth to a little girl.

I have never bought the idea that folks are born as genders they weren’t meant to be and therefore must undergo an operation to change their sex. It’s just a bunch of political hogwash that the Church of Oprah loves to feed on. If someone is born a male, he is a male and was meant to be a male, by God perhaps. If there were no God, then the idea that people are meant to be genders they’re not is absolutely nonsense, because there would be no God to have meant them to be what they’re not.

Moving on, this news piece proves that the new accepted fad about how people should be able to change their gender to one they more strongly relate to is absolutely unfounded and falls on its face. No one who thinks that way can approve of this woman’s actions, although they do anyway. She can’t have it both ways. She can’t say she was meant to be a man but was also meant to give birth. Men don’t give birth.

“I feel it’s not a male or female desire to have a child. It’s a human need. I’m a person and I have the right to have a biological child,” she said.

That is absolutely contradictory. What it shows is that people in this country will do what they want to do and justify it no matter what it is. To begin with, they might try to justify it by modern science. For instance: “I deserve to be a man even though I’m a woman, because as a result of my biology and genetics, I am a man in heart and spirit and have always been attracted to women.” But once their use of science doesn’t achieve what they really want, they justify their actions by saying they are somehow entitled to their arbitrary preference. For instance: “Although I want to be a man, I should also be able to be pregnant, because being pregnant is my human need/desire.”

This is hypocritical and immoral. We are not entitled to things only because we want them. Some things that we may want aren’t good for us. Most Americans do not understand this.

Which is why I’m not proud to be an American.

“But is that statement really justified?” you might ask, especially since we are not even two days past Independence Day (which I’m sure has been celebrated by many beers). In fact, right now I hear firecrackers outside of my house.

You might say this is just a random article I found and misused to represent America. But we all know this isn’t the only article about such things. Furthermore, it is not just something that happens in California or Oregon to which I’m disconnected and therefore shouldn’t be concerned. As an opinion editor, I have received e-mails from people who support sex-change operations. And it might surprise you if I told you I once sat with small children in Mississippi to watch a drag show put on by professional drag queens, but it’s true, honest to God, I am not stretching the truth. If I expressed disagreement in that situation, I probably would have been considered out-of-line or politically incorrect or insensitive.

And those are only examples. And this issue is just one example itself of how individuals in our country put their wants over that which is moral and noble and then, of all things, actually try to justify them. People believe in the Bible, but also want to believe the Bible is a myth. People respect religion and know that their preacher, priest, minister or whoever teaches what is right about sex, yet they still think it’s funny or abnormal or maybe even gay to be chaste until marriage.

Why would I be especially proud to be an American. What is it about people in America that like to brag about being American. Maybe America isn’t the best country in the world. Maybe Australia is … or Fiji, or Uruguay. You know, some place where at least the temperature is steady and agreeable.

There is still rampant immorality in this country. Even worse, many people’s entire outlook is hopelessly screwed up. Can I criticize America so harshly and then say I’m proud to be American? I can’t have it both ways. I can’t eat my cake and have it too.

In closing, I admit it is a little misleading to say I am not proud to be American, because I am proud of some things, many things even. I like my hometown, or at least the people in it. Maybe I’m just proud to be a Southerner; I don’t know. I like my church. I have met and known many outstanding people at home and elsewhere who have made sacrifices and contribute much to our society. A guy who sells sunglasses at Northpark Mall just gave me a pair of sunglasses the other day in exchange for my prayers and in celebration of the Fourth. Such are those who will be the ones to save America.

And We’re Back…

If you’ve been to this sadly abandoned blog in the past few days, you encountered an error. That error occurred because, on a whim, I decided to switch hosting companies. My sites were more or less unavailable for four days with Netfirms with no signs of getting better. Their servers have been going up and down for the last few months. I finally got tired of it.

So I’ve made some changes. I’ve switched to (mt) Media Temple. My first impression of the guys at Media Temple have been great. Polite, useful emails were sent to help me get started. As of right now, the service is fast. Much faster than Netfirms. It is costing me $200 a year, significantly more than Netfirms’ $120. But you get what you pay for.

I’ve changed the Web address of Knights of the Square Table to http://blakewatson.com/knights/. Please update your bookmarks. I did this because I may use “/blog/” for my soon-to-be-back-up Web design blog.

Another note about my reasons for switching to Media Temple. My hosting with Media Temple should be able to handle spikes in traffic that would have slowed my Netfirms hosting to a crawl. Also, when I called to cancel Netfirms, the guy that answered the phone was a jerk.

My other sites will be up soon. Expect a short story—something we may start doing more of—to be posted by Matt soon. And… stay tuned for a new site of mine: “I hate stairs”

Axis & Allies and Vista team up, break Mac

Unfortunately, my summer War buddies haven’t managed to get together for our annual Axis & Allies party so far. Laz, come on man. Money isn’t everything. Stop putting your future over your nerdy hobbies. But I digress.

To help ease my A&A withdrawal symptoms, I decided to install an Axis & Allies PC game on the Windows Vista partition of my Mac’s hard drive. The installation experience presented an annoyance I haven’t had to deal with since floppy disks. I had an installation disc and a play disc (games I’ve installed had only one disc). “Fair enough,” I thought, writing it off as a sign that this game was going to rock—although it received lackluster reviews.

So I waited as the installation disc worked its magic. The installation was almost done when the wizard asked me to put in the play disc. But it wouldn’t take the play disc! Then Vista hung up and I eventually had to hold the power button to recover. Ever since, my Mac’s SuperDrive has been behaving strangely. I had to put Coldplay’s Viva la Vida in four times before Mac OS would recognize it.

I’ve mainly run into trouble in trying to use Mac OS and Windows on the same computer. Now, I may have actually damaged the hardware. Though I’ve had more problems with XP running as a virtual machine using an outdated version of Parallels, my Vista via Boot Camp is now to blame for problems. I wonder if it is time for me to ditch Windows completely. I am supposed to be competent in multiple OSes, being an IS major, but it’s getting annoying. And I’m not buying a PC just for Vista.

I guess I’ll just play Risk for now.

A strange occurance

As part of a never-ending routine, I checked my Gmail inbox this morning. But today, I made a horrifying discovery.

Using 666 megabytes

It appeared that the mark of the Beast had slithered past Gmail’s spam filter. I immediately emailed my preacher, who devised a plan to save me. By attaching large files to his reply, my capacity increased. Oddly, the extra megs put me up to 678 MB. As I was sharing this experience with Matt, we almost simultaneously said, “This could almost be a blog post.”

Such was my Friday the Thirteenth.

Watson’s Theory of Planetary Exploitation

It took us eleven missions to finally land a manned spacecraft on the moon, successfully beating the Soviets in the Cold War. And for what? Yeah, it was pretty cool, I’ll admit that much. But with all these new problems with Earth, like El Niño, Global Warming, the oil shortage, the war, torture, and the loss of Wrigley Field, we need to stop taking so many sweet photos of the planets, and start using them. What do I mean? I’ll tell you what I mean.

The Earth is going to eventually run out of room for all our dead people, garbage, and sewage. In Jackson, we recycle our sewage back through the water system, where thousands of people drink it, thus temporarily getting rid of it for us. Even with our cutting-edge recycling system, that still leaves dead people and garbage. Even if the citizens of Jackson stopped killing each other, we would still eventually run out of room. The third problem is that our intelligence has evolved so much that we have learned how to bury our trash in big underground vaults. We will eventually run out of room. Furthermore, we will one day be digging into these landfills to get resources that we’ve run out of, such as aluminum.

The solution? We will use the moon and nearby planets to store our waste and supply our resources. For example, we could dig out the core of the moon and store our excess there. Engineers could make use of the resulting pile of lunar dirt and learn how to make stuff with it. Granted, we will eventually run out of room in the middle of the moon, and the change of gravity may cause democrats to become conservative, but by that time, we will have landed manned spacecraft on Mars. As explained here, we will melt the ice caps, populating Mars atmosphere with oxygen and making it inhabitable for humans. But we won’t go there. We’ll just bring anything useful, including the oxygen, back to Earth. This is the main principle of the theory. Using the other planet’s resources to maintain ours.

Some other uses might include covering Venus and Mercury with solar panels and piping the energy back to Earth. Of course, we would have to take into consideration the orbits. The asteroid belt would give us a lot of rock, as would Saturn’s rings. We could beef up Pluto with them so it can be a planet again.

The possibilities are only limited by my imagination and WordPress’s maximum post size (in megabytes).

Ye Olde Duel: I win!

Well it looks like The Hulk is uncontested, meaning the Good Team prevails! I’ll leave you with a sweet montage of the heroes that fought so bravely to defend the village. But first, a recap…

  1. The beginning: Fire-breathing Dragon and The Tumsapult
  2. Miss Mischief’s Pepper Sauce
  3. The Waterboy
  4. The Beaver Berets
  5. The Hungry Villager
  6. The Grand Inquisitor
  7. The Malitia
  8. The Spelling Bee Stripling
  9. The Performance-enhancing Butcher
  10. Rodge Badell
  11. The Hulk

Lastly, if you have any ideas for games the Knights can play, let us know. We will be coming up with some more stuff later on. I’ll be alone next week as Matt heads to camp. Guess I should be brainstorming. Anyway, without further fanfare, your winners (click to see full size)…

The Good Team Montage

Ye Olde Duel: The Hulk

If you don’t know what’s going on, click here.

The Hulk